Thank You, Pluto, for Participating

In 2006, scientists determined that Pluto no longer held the properties necessary to be classified as a planet.   As a result, elementary school teachers have struggled to come up with an planetary mnemonic that wasn’t a sentence fragment.

My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine…

Served us nine what?  Well, it used to be Pizzas.  But not since Pluto was voted off the galactic island.

Much to the delight of these teachers, N.A.S.A. wants to change the rules so they can make Pluto a planet again.  So basically, the brightest minds that science has to offer now want to give a participation trophy to Pluto.

Pluto is like the heels in a bread bag.  It’s like Meg White in the White Stripes.  It is like the Cleveland Browns in the NFL.  It is “part of” something, but not really.  Do we really need to change the rules to allow Pluto to be a planet again?

Now I’ve never been an opponent to participation trophies. My high school baseball coach is retired and has a small trophy business.  Participation trophies keep him busy, which in turn, keeps him from eating dinner at 4:00PM and watching Matlock reruns all day.

Millennials get a bad rap as the participation trophy generation, but we Gen X’ers got them too.  Now, I knew I was getting a trophy “just because”.  I never for a minute thought they meant anything.  But we did get the same trophy as the second place team.  So even though they beat us twice (by 20 runs each time) they didn’t finish first and got the same reward as us.  It wasn’t the trophy that made us feel better, it was the fact that those jerks who kicked our butts didn’t have anything special to show for it.

So if N.A.S.A. wants to make Pluto a planet, I guess that’s okay.  After all, Jethro Tull has a Grammy for best Metal Band.  Billy Crystal is known as a comedian.  And Ryne Sandberg (and not Don Mattingly) is in the Baseball Hall of Fame.