State v. Snuggie: The verdict is…

I thought I had stumbled onto somebody else’s mind numbing drivel this week when I saw the headline:

Federal Judge Rules that the Snuggie is a Blanket

I was kind of shocked to see that it was an actual news headline.  Apparently, in an issue that has to do with tariffs, the dispute of whether the Snuggie is a blanket or a garment made its way into a federal court room.  I started to read the whole story, but to be honest, all I could hear in my head was Charlie Brown’s teacher.  “Wha wha wha wha wha”.  Just because  it wasn’t someone else’s mind numbing drivel, doesn’t mean it wasn’t mind numbing.

But the whole State v. Snuggie story made me realize that we have had a number of cases of dual identities throughout the history of pop culture; some of which are very hard to discern.  I thought I’d save the court system some time and the taxpayers some money by taking the liberty to render verdicts on a few of these cases.

The El Camino:  Car or Truck?

It’s hard not to argue the case for Truck as it pertains to this classic.  I mean, you drive it into a field, you and the kids get out, and you start chucking pumpkins into the bed of the vehicle.  It has to be a truck right?

But personally, I’ve never seen an El Camino loaded down with pumpkins til I found that picture.  I have, however, seen many El Caminos like the black one pictured above.  No one is driving that thing into a field.  Well, not on purpose anyway.

Verdict:  Car

This guy:  Cowboy or Cheese?

If you’re around your mid 40’s, you remember this guy from Saturday mornings.  He’d come on for a minute, in between episodes of Jabberjaw and Hong Kong Phooey, to tell you to stuff your pie hole with cheese when you got home from school.  He failed to mention that if you did that everyday, your mom would eventually have to slip some EX-LAX into a pan of brownies.  And if that didn’t do the trick?  It’s enema time!

So, this guy wears cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, and a handkerchief around his “neck”.  He rides a horse, too.  The case for Cowboy is a very strong one indeed.

But this guy is cheese personified!  He actually looks like a chicken legged, barrel chested, pointy nosed piece of cheese!  But he sang this song, “I hanker for a hunk of cheese”.  Cheese eating cheese has a “Silence of the Lambs” feel to it, doesn’t it?  It makes me uncomfortable.

Verdict:  Cowboy

Vicki the Robot:  Cute or Creepy?

Some of you may remember Vicki from the 80’s TV series “Small Wonder”.  The show centered around the hijinks and mishaps of a family who adopted a robot girl.  Or maybe the dad just brought her home from work…or stole her; I can’t recall.  The title of the show was aptly named.  It’s a small wonder that the show ever made it past the pilot.

But look at little Vicki.  Those cute eyes, the red ribbon in her hair, and that adorable little dress!  She’s cute!

But just look at little Vicki.  That deadpan lifeless stare that shoots daggers right through your heart.  That soul-less monotone voice that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up.  And that little dress that she wears every single second of every…single…day.

Verdict:  Creepy

And finally…

Pat:  Guy or Gal?

Umm…we’re gonna need that federal judge for this one.