Oscars Recap

The Oscars.

It was the topic of that everyone seemed to be talking about on TV and radio as I made my way through Monday. The big winners, the gaffe at the end, etc.

And I didn’t catch a single, solitary second.

I didn’t watch the Oscars not because most celebrities are a bunch of whiny, self-centered, ego maniacs.  I mean, we run into people like that everyday, right?  We actually like those people!  You might even be one of those people!  I didn’t watch the Oscars because I have no idea who these whiny, self-centered, ego maniacs are!

Award shows, Halls of Fame, and things of that nature don’t interest me the way they used to.  I’m sure my turning into a cranky old curmudgeon has something to do with it, but I seriously cannot keep up with all of these celebrities.

Back when there were only 3 or 4 channels available, or in the early days of cable TV, and when movie theaters only had 2 or 3 screens, entertainment was nothing but “mainstream”.  Michael Jackson received Elvis and Beatle-esque kind of fame when I was a kid.  But modern entertainment is so niche.  And there are way more avenues to distribute today’s entertainment.  The King of Pop might have been just another talent if Thriller came out today.

Whether it’s the Oscars, the Grammys, or the MTV Video Music Awards, if I don’t sit in front of my TV with my iPad and Google at the ready, I would have no idea who some of these people are!

“And the winner is…blah blah blah.”  Huh? What the…, who the heck is that?  So I Google “blah blah blah” and find out she is a 30 year old actress who has had an 8 year run on a hit show that aired on the WB Network.  Now she’s currently in the 1st season of the hottest new show on HBO (which I am way too cheap to pay the extra premium).

Me watching any awards show is like going to a high school sports banquet, where I don’t know any of the kids or the parents, and watching some kid named Mitchell Yates rake in 4 football awards.  Except at the banquet, I would at least get some mediocre fried chicken and be done in an hour.

And even the celebs I do know, I am amazed I know them at all.  La La Land was a big winner Sunday night. I do know that La La Land is a musical, so the likelihood of me ever seeing that movie is probably less than Mitchell Yates doing his own homework.  I do know the stars of this movie are Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.  Now I’m going to list all the movies that I know of that these two actors starred.

1. One of the Spider-Man Movies – Emma Stone
2. A bunch of Vines where he wouldn’t eat his cereal – Ryan Gosling

And that’s it.  I know I’ve seen other movies that these actors have been in, but without looking them up, I can’t tell you the names of said movies.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about the host of the Oscars:  Billy Freaking Crystal.  That no good, Paris forgettin’, talk show time hoggin’ hack.  Isn’t it about time that the Academy found someone else to host this show?  I mean, how long has he been doing this anyway?

*Ok. I just looked it up. Jimmy Kimmel was the host.  I thought this was a full time gig for the not-so-marvelous looking Crystal.  He has hosted the Oscars nine times though.  I thought about deleting what I wrote about him, but I really think those things needed to be said.  At least my therapist thinks so.