My Stuff is Smarter Than Me

I get spam emails.  Lots of them.  I’m sure you do too.  I would wager that some of you have opened up an entirely new email account just to avoid them.  Every morning when I get up, I delete the spam I’ve received overnight.  Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of the subject line as I’m deleting them.   This morning, I saw one that said “Smart Gum”.

Smart Gum?  What the heck is Smart Gum?  I deleted the email before I realized what it said, and I didn’t bother to look up what Smart Gum was either.  I can’t imagine it’s all that smart.  How smart can gum be?

It did get me thinking about “smart” things though.  Smart phones, smart TVs, etc.  All of these smart things that seem to be making us dumber.

I used to be able to rattle off countless phone numbers of family and friends; now I only know mine.  I didn’t pay $150 a month to watch my dumb TV, but I do to watch a smart one.  I even have a grill / smoker that sends out a wifi signal to my iPad so that I can monitor the temperature from inside my house.  I still manage to burn the burgers.  Stuff gets smarter and I get dumber.

And all of these smart things quickly become obsolete.  You have to replace them almost every year with the new, smarter version.

Even Smart Alec is obsolete.  You remember Smart Alec, don’t you?  He’s the cousin to Dag Nabbit, Baloney Sauce, Fudge, and Son of a Biscuit Eater.  These are cuss words for people who like their cuss words to be just like nursing home food:  Less salty.

Jean Smart (Designing Women) isn’t obsolete, however.  You should really watch season 2 of Fargo.  She was great!

But despite the fact that all these smart things seem to be taking points off of my IQ, I still love them!  They contribute so much to our relationships with others.

I mean, back in the day, when your friend made some cockamamie claim that Ben Afleck was in Saving Private Ryan, you just had to send him home none the wiser.

*Not Ben Affleck

Or when you are trying to tell the story of when Jim Rome almost got beat up because he kept calling Jim Everett “Chris”, but you know that your words aren’t doing the story justice.

You should try getting around Louisville, KY sometime with a couple of  less than sober people navigating from the back seat.  A smart phone sure would have come in handy.  Imagine my surprise when I saw a sign that said “Welcome to Ohio”.

So even though I’m closer to being a grumpy old man than I am to being a tech savvy youngster, I’m not ready to tell all these smart things to “get off my lawn”.