Careers in Roller Skating

Earlier tonight,  I ate 3 pieces of pizza and was paid $70 to do so.  I will probably write about this experience at another time, but on my way to my first professional eating gig,  I passed by an office building.  It wasn’t just any office building, it was the office building for the Roller Skating Association International.

After I did a double take and pulled into the parking lot to get a quick photo, I started wondering just what it would be like to work for the Roller Skating Association International.

I would imagine that each office would have bright orange, industrial grade carpet, and the hallways would be hardwood.  (OSHA prohibits backwards skating down the hallways.)

At the receptionist desk sits a DJ, wearing the cheapest sunglasses available, and a turntable blaring out jams all day long.  The J. Geils Band is played at least 3 times a day.

Arcade games and an endless supply of hot dogs and nachos are available in the employee break room.  Employee of the month goes to whoever gets the highest score on Pac-Man.

Staff meetings are “all skates”.  Employees are divided into 6 groups.  Each group must come up with a solution to a pressing Roller Skating Association problem.  Then a ginormous foam dice is thrown into the middle of the room to decide which group’s solution is to be implemented.

Inter-office relationships are encouraged as the morning break time is “couples only”.

The dress code consists of roller skates (duh),  glow necklaces, and pom poms (for the ladies, of course.)

Each cubicle is equipped with colored lights and a disco ball.  Personal lockers are also provided, but if you want it locked, it will cost you 25 cents.

And finally, on “Limbo Fridays”, whoever can make it under the bar during the 3:00 afternoon break, gets to leave early.

I’m typing up my resume tonight.